Your Level of Tolerance is Connected to Your Experiences

Depending on the traumas we've gone through, our level of tolerance tends to adjust on the scale of emotional intelligence.

I said this to say that people who have not had any real physical or dire emotional challenges in the past do tend to careless, while those who have had an opposite experience tend to care more about certain things. Vice Versa.

Let me break it down.

Quick declaimer here:  this is not in anyway an advice or professional statement by a therapist or psychologist, but just a mental note that is born out of personal experiences.

So, take for example some one who has gone through a very devastating breakup with someone that they really loved and thought that they were going to spend the rest off their lives together with, but yet the relationship ended in a very brutal way with little to no considerations from the partner that decide to call things quit.

In such a case, it is most like that the person, man or woman, having been really shocked by the incidence of emotionally disappointed and frustration of a failed dream future, will most likely not care much about relationships again.

This mindset is not because they do not really believe in a thing called love, but rather they just don't trust that people will have the best interest of others at heart even though they are supposedly committed in a relationship. 

So, this will in most cases result into someone that doesn't value love or relationships and thus will always have a reserved feeling when dealing with someone else, they will always live in fear that what happened before might happen again and so they usually never fully commit to anyone, because they don't want to be disappointed again.

Now for those who over time let their guards down, maybe because they thought the person they are with at the time, seems to be different and trusty. They are the kind of people who you would have seen throwing tantrums if and when that new relationship hits the rock,  they are those crazy lovers that never let go of their partner, they refuse to accept a breakup, they threaten the other person and even in some cases they get physical with their partner (Women: destroying properties, Men: retrieving gifts by force)

And some of this things I just described could happen due to many other reasons that I have not capture here (reason been that many cases are unique so I don't want to generalize), but essentially its always about a case of feeling disappointed and let-down after having let your guards down to have a full immersive experience of love and affection.

So, you see! that the description of what I opined above will apply to such a person as this, because of what they've been through, when ever they find their selves dealing with someone or potential partner, they will always be very thoughtful, never quickly committing, and care more about all the surrounding characters and attributes of the person.

Meanwhile, the opposite is the case for someone who is still naïve and have not had a brutal awakening that life is not fair and it can throw you a curve ball at the times you least expected it.

A greenhorn will always believe that everyone is going to be fair, understanding and considerate. Even though for someone who's had an exposure to social media and has first-hand seen dramas and traumas of others and thus think that they have learnt from that, soon also end up in the same place as those they've watched wailing online.

It a case of experience and guidance, you can have the awareness and no experience or guidance, and you will still fall into that ditch.

Essentially, what I'm trying to say is that, people who haven't had their ass kicked by unfair, inconsiderate and betraying acts of others or situations, will always careless about such thing happening, in-fact some may argue that it will never happen to them because they believe that because they trust other people that those people will automatically be bounded to do the same.

Please understand my assertion. I am not saying that you shouldn't trust or have a positive expectations for things, I am just pointing out some life lessons that could be learnt the hard way if one is not careful and smart.

I only used these illustration so that it can be understood easily, but don't forget that this could apply to different areas of life and not just in relationship.

This can apply to....

Business: If you haven't failed before you will careless about failing, believing that all your ideas are genius level and there is no reason why the business should fail, until it fails (hopefully it doesn't though) then you will become more careful about how you run things and handle projects and deal with staff and reinvestments.

Investing: If you haven't lost money in any asset before, you will always think that you are the best at picking investment portfolios and that your study of charts and analysis is second to none, until your fully analyzed investment fails. Then you become more careful and probably appreciate the term 'diversification' more than ever, knowing that your profits will always depend on other peoples emotions about the market.

Driving: If you haven't had an accident before, you will careless about having one and always believe that you are the best driver on the road. You will always believe that your skills at using your mirrors and following traffic rules and road signages are excellent and unmatched. Until you have an accident, then you become more careful about how you drive and you will quickly realize that the word 'defensive driving' isn't a cliché but a real thing that you should practice always. You will realize that no matter how careful you are on the road, someone else can decide to be stupid and cause an avoidable accident, so now you not only care about your driving skills, but also you care about other drivers skills and always think of what could go wrong from their position, so you can remain vigilant for any eventuality.

Thank you for stopping by.

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